Updated! March 25, 2010 – Here’s a great 3 minute audio from Eagle Forum on when it comes to socialization, Homeschoolers Don’t Need It: Homeschoolers Don’t Need Socialization – Eagle Forum
There is an essay of mine that has been passed around over the years, that deals with the homeschool socialization question. It gets posted around every year or so on our IndianaHomeschoolers e-list. I thought I would pass it on and archive it here, for your enjoyment. If it makes you want to “skip school” and educate your children otherwise, I think that would be great!
WARNING: This is supposed to be funny. If you don’t have a sense of humor, or believe that people who make jabs at public schooling are evil elitists, don’t read this. If you have the tendency to snort coffee out your nose while you’re reading funny things, don’t blame me. You’ve been warned.
A HOMESCHOOLING DAD’S PERSPECTIVE ON ‘SOCIALIZATION’
I am perfectly aware of the socialization needs of my children. As an involved parent and (home)educator, the awesome responsibility falls upon me to ensure my children receive all the diverse and broad educational aspects of the “public school experience” that they miss by not attending their assigned government institution.
So here are but a few of my homeschool curricula plans to keep it real and balanced with the Government School experience called “Socialization.”
Every three months, I send them to Grandma’s house, where they are under strict instructions to beg her to bake dozens of cookies so they can sell them as a fund raising project. I sell them at the office and keep the money.
Any leftover cookies are sold door to door. The kids learn economics by selling them to the neighbors based on the appraised value of their property. The more expensive the house, the more the cookies cost. This is a
lesson-plan “two-fer” as it teaches the principle of progressive taxation and the politics of class envy all at once. People who don’t buy cookies are asked, “Are you against education or do you just hate children?” If they STILL don’t buy cookies, the children sell them to their publicly schooled kids as they get off the bus.
The rest gets sold back to Grandma.
The balance of cookies still not sold, are sold to their Mom.
We can’t have the children feeling like they failed, can we?
The money goes to me (as head of the school administration) to buy a new flat screen TV. It helps me relax so I can do a better job administrating my school. Anything that goes towards the “teacher’s lounge” is bound to advance the learning process. Mom pays for school supplies our of her budget. This leaves less money for food and qualifies our kids for the free lunch program.
As part of my “Kids need to experience real life” lesson plan, every month or so, when the children are given their scheduled bathroom break (complete with hall passes) I randomly yank one of the kids into the bathroom and offer them drugs. When they “just say no” they get a swirlie and a threat that they better not tell anyone (like Mom) or they’ll be in REAL trouble.
After they recover I hand them a smoke and tell them if they don’t light up, they aren’t cool.
Then when they successfully cave in to the peer pressure and light up (because they don’t want another swirlie) I turn on ‘em (putting on my Principal’s “We [heart] School!” badge) and give them a detention for smoking in the bathroom.
Lessons learned? Priceless.
You know… this just goes to show that spending an intense three months on our home based D.A.R.E. program wasn’t worth spit!
We should have spent the time teaching them to READ instead. That way they could have read the “Don’t Do Drugs” signs I posted everywhere.
Oh well… when you have to keep up with teaching just like the public schools do, some of the programs like reading, writing and math are obviously going to suffer.
Proper Socialization is just too important.
I know what you’re thinking:
“Homeschooling Dad, you’re doing a darn good job socializing your kids with a quality public schooling-style socialization program at home.”
Yeah… I know.
But I have to admit, there’s at least one difference between our homeschool socialization program and the average public school’s program….
I REFUSE to give the kids free condoms.
I know it makes me look like a prude, but I had to put my foot down: I make ‘em pay for them. (Time for another cookie fund raiser!)
/s/ BbBennett
Tip-o’the-Hat to April, Jay and Christa for letting me steal their material and for helping me keep my homeschool socialization program true to real life, accredited and up to Government School standards.
[The previous paragraphs were -- of course -- sarcastic. But for those who have NO sense of humor or sense of the ironic... no, we don't really do those things. NO parent I KNOW does those things. Only an IDIOT would allow these things to happen to someone's children. Sadly, I can't vouch for the peers and officials at YOUR child's public school. Maybe you should ask him or her about it. Don't you ever wonder: If a parent were to do to their children, what is routinely allowed in today's public schools, the parent would be in jail NOW? What happens to the adults who run our public schools? Think about it.]
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